Life, Love, and the pursuit of growing up.

Hello all, just a quick note before I finish packing for our four day trip to Seattle and then find the peace to settle down and sleep for a few hours before we catch a jet plane to cooler weather.

Things are panning out. We're finding ourselves penny-picking-poor but there is hope. And I've been more destitute; I'm sure. But our finances are not what have been on my mind lately (thank god for a time in my life where financial stress doesn't steal my sleep!). I've been mulling over, and stressing about, and talking about growing up lately.

It's a new and fabulous thing, living with Ian's folks. They're amazing people who have such wonderful stories and ideas and dreams and opinions, and listening to all of theirs challenges all of mine. Everything from politics, gardening, family, community, personal growth, pacifism--have popped up and I'm starting to realize that all of those loud opinions I formed before, during, and after college were so often based on the need to have an opinion. Does that make sense? "I'm a pacifist!" is much easier to say than to think and wonder and ponder weather or not pacifism is the right answer--or even a possible answer at all. And just to add a disclaimer to that--I have no idea! Isn't that wonderful and awful all at once? The point is I thought about them, but just long enough to convince myself that I had. I never realized how much time and energy--emotional energy it takes to really consider these huge life problems. And I have to tell you friends, thinking about these things is hard work. If you know me well at all you will know that I'm a huge fan of people thinking before they believe--researching, reading, challenging and i have tried to do this. But something I never took into account is experience, probably because none of these big life issues had ever been challenged until recently. It's a hard lesson to learn when you find yourself desperately wanting something that you were sure you found and believed to be morally wrong. "Who am" you ask yourself--and those around you, who love you ask the same--"Who are you?". But something I have pledged to myself is to watch and learn and let life cut away at me, and to allow myself (in spite of my self) to find my soul and mind as beautiful and friendly. Intentionality is necessary, but realizing that as we form opinions there must be much room left for real life to happen. Books are not always enough. Love and life get in the way.

I'm currently living off of the high that Ian and I will challenge each other and grow. And I think that love might just be embracing that in each other--watching each other form opinions and reform opinions.


-Christine